I have been trying to keep the flower beds in the backyard clear of unwanted growing things, or as I like to call them: “weeds”. I have been planting mostly perennials. I like the way they come back year after year. I am finding that they need to be thinned out or culled back too. The “Black Eyed Susans” take over everything. I am always finding them growing in the strangest places, where they never were at before. Yet with all this effort I am being stymied by the “weeds”, mostly just grass growing where I don’t want it. What is it that I am really after? What is my objective to accomplish?
I suppose that you need to have a goal if you want to get somewhere. Without a target, anyone could shoot like a marksman; you always hit what the gun is pointed toward. So to get to a goal you need to develop a plan. I have a goal to complete a 5k run this fall. That is not what I started to accomplish though. !st it was just to get healthier. Then, with AJC’s encouragement, it was to trim down to 190 lbs before his wedding. I extended that out to drop down to 170 lbs by this fall, middle of October. So I thought how could I accomplish that?
My biggest obstacles are pain & boredom. My AR level is all over the place. I sort of control the pain with the medication. Maybe I just tolerate it? The orthopedic surgeon, who scoped my knee, says AR patients seem to develop a high tolerance for pain. I don’t try to resign myself to things. I believe the pain is real. I don’t want it to stop me though. I don’t let it become a crutch or an excuse. I still believe I will find employment. I still find enjoyment in going to church. I still believe in God. I don’t blame him for my pain. These are all persistent things.
What is really persistent? Death. Death is forever and “forever is a very long time.” I believe in an after-life. What will we do after we die? Do we hang around & watch what others say. Isn’t that being a bit arrogant? No, I believe that we are either able to see God and praise him or not. To not see him would be the worse thing. I do not believe in a burning hell but I do believe in a tormented after-life without God. “My contentment is not in wealth, but in seeing You and knowing all is well between us. And when I awake in heaven I will be fully satisfied, for I will see You face to face”. (Ps 17:15)
So for now I let myself enjoy the glory of the summer heat, transplanting unwanted, persistent grass & things over by the lilac bushes. All the while thinking about what will come next.